Why man should not watch football at home?

Ok after reading the title, according to you gender I can hear either applauses or shoos’s. But simply I will continue saying what I believe.

No frigging way… Here is the very common scenario. You are coming home(its double bitch especially if it is Monday), tired, hungry and seeking the secure feeling of your place. As soon as you open the front door, this ear-scratching commentator’s sound is hitting you like a cold shower. The volume is extremely high that before you get into the house, you want to jump straight from the balcony skipping living room. But with the yet unresolved woman strength you are trying to put a smile on your face, acting cool and expecting some understanding that will come from the other side.

1) First round: While you are chattering about what happened todays, and trying to start to random catch up conversation with the “other” suddenly you are noticing, either

  • a blank face that totally ignores you and in somewhat trans mode focused on that glass rectangular front of him
  • or a frustrated face that obviously not capable of blocking your sound good enough to watch fully focussed the match  and wish you to be disappeared in that instance
  • (or if you are lucky one)a face that reminds me swinging dogs that my dad used to put front of our cars. Goes between your face and again stupid glass rectangular, the motion is so fast, you cannot even follow and wonder how he manages to put a movement less than a sec in the same frame. This type is still quite adorable. They want to give you the attention that what you deserved but they also cannot dare to take their eyes of the ball(!!)

Anyway whichever your scenario is, they are all annoying. But wait its not over yet. Believe me, if it was I would not have bother to waste my time writing this thing up. Lets treat this as an essay. What I have given you just an entrance, an introduction, actually the rest is the best.

After you realize, there is no frigging way you will get him out of that world you may choose;

a) Turn the TV off with a hero like movement by the force of the remote and hide it to somewhere immediately. This action has high risk ending up with a huge fight.

b) Do not bother, try to ignore all the annoying background affects(sound, commentator, bf..etc) with your whole mighty and occupy yourself with usual stuff(cooking, cleaning, reading, surfing..etc) I personally prefer the second option because I am so sick of it. Cannot effort a fight while I am totally exhausted.

Ok my best part is huge volume “fuckkk”s. After coming slowly to this point and keeping all my temper and calmness in a reasonable level, I am simply loosing my every node; when I start hearing “fuck”s all over the neighborhood. For Gods sake please I am giving you the whole bloddy space to what the “fuckever” you want please do not disturb my emotional and physical state with your ‘fuck’s. Everyone look for a silence when they come home from outside world because, its mad, its dangerous, it hard, dirty, annoying. Everyone expects peace and quite…. So do I.FUCK..

Let assume the match is over, if you are the lucky girl of that day(!) his team will win and he will sing his teams songs and open another can of beer, kiss you from the cheek and let go and come back again constantly. But you will still keep hearing hottest comments about the match and the players and plans for the next matches(ha ha charming), who played shit, who was the hero of the match, who was total asshole. I am actually so surprised that the men’s calculation is never better at anything else except finding out the percentage of being a champion for that season.

Another (and the worse) scenario is his team lost. And ohh my girl… I will give you an advice, leave the house if possible and go to your closest friend’s house as a refugee. If you do not have such as opportunity go to bed and pretend as a 3 days old dead body. Because after that point next 24 hours, all of his sentences will end up with fuck or at least will contain minimum one swear word in it. Do not even try to talk with him, useless if you look good enough you can even see the steam coming through top of his head, so do not try to have a conversation with half boiled egg density brain.

So please let me know, if there is any political party out there which supports the “why man should not watch match at home” dilemma I am ready to become a member.

Keep in peace….


1 Comment

  1. Pingback: Photo shots of Lola and the Monkey | Zillion Journey

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