I know the title probably boring if you are a person who never smoked. However if you ever touch that shit(!) you know what I am talking about. Whatever I am going to tell in here, is simply going to be very short story of what I have been going through. It will never reach the limit of describing complete comprehension of what exactly I felt and feeling. But at he end this is a blog I write as a diary so you are free go click on the x button to close this window and wonder around there for another story or keep reading my craps.
Yes I am a smoker. Maybe not a hard core one(do not want to race with some serious guys out there) but you can categorize me a chain smoker especially when drinks involved(that is the weakest point of most of the smokers I suppose). Basically I had been smoking for 8 years and pretty much enjoyed with it every moment of it. Although I know the consequences of smoking like everyone else, still did not give a shit until last few months. Until I realize that the body that I am proud of is started to stumble. Smoking is the probably worst habit I have ever had. In general I am a really good girl. Do not go over the limits in any other areas other then smoking. I do not drink, until I get smash for example. I only drink in the level of laughing at myself. I do not use any other joyful(!) things even though some people says its better than smoking. I go to gym, go running here and there, try to eat something reasonable etc.
Anyway last one year, I came to conclusion that I should stop smoking at one point in my life because, my teeth start to get this disgusting yellowish color and one day I realized that behind my 3 front bottom teeth was already covered with dark brown layer, which did not go away even I scrub it as hard as I could. That was really heart breaking because I am quite proud of my teeth. They dont symbolize the perfectionism but I believe they had a shape that is enough to keep me happy.
Another shocking point was my skin.(It is so painfully hard to write these paragraphs for a woman so you should better be appreciative). I have this olive skin color. Not too dark, not too light. It is actually nice because unlike some other people you never had problem about either being too fair or too dark. However my skin start to change its natural color(or maybe I am imagining it), instead of having this nice light brown color, as if you had spend 10 days in Hawaii, it started to replace with this brownish and yellowish color which I was not happy with it at all.
Another and probably biggest shock was that slight lines that start to appear on my face. I mean you can not really see them unless you look really carefully, but I live with this face so I have to look at it every day on the mirror. Certainly I can see them, coming and settling in certain spots. Ohh come on, I am a person who gives shit about the facial products and the woman who pays fortune to those things. Lets guess what I did after I seen my first semi wrinkle on the mirror one morning? Yes I bought this semi expensive facial cream instead of quit smoking and start to apply it on my face as best as I can. (Yes I have not mention I am proud to think myself as one of the smart girl’s category)
Smoking gave me joyful(at least thats what I want to believe) moments, and I believe I would not ever get bored of it, however my body started to scream at me last couple of years. My breath was leaving me most of the times when I needed it, my hand started to shake without any reason. I felt like a addict(which I was) because all I could thing of was a cigarette with a cup of coffee in the morning if I could not have one as soon as I get up from the bed. I always felt like a monster when I was hanging out with the friends who does not smoke, and I had this urge feeling to smoke in the most inappropriate times and places. Looking for a deserted corner to “smoked out” in a place where everyone looks at you like a monkey on a cage. waking up with this terrible taste in your mouth which is totally dry and you can feel the peeling skin in it. I am not mentioning the money that you spend to buy a package from the shop or the whole cost for a month or a year(do not want to have an heart attack).
Ok are you still wondering about how I quit smoking? I just had enough. One day I said, “I had enough”. And embarrassingly it has been only 15 days but I reckon I am going pretty good. I will definelty write about the details because they are also pretty amusing and disgusting. You might interested with them. Until then you should know that I feel healthier then ever(not really but feel better) As long as I do not drink I do not have that drilling craving for a cigi but I will tell the truth, what I had gone though last couple of days since I quit smoking is the days I actually realized how much harm I have given to my body last eight years.
Hope you also have a hearth to believe that it is never too late. I did, and this can inspire you to believe it is not for you either.