What is your biggest nightmare?

This is how I think I look like


I know it is a little bit spooky question to get into writing but please do not freak out. Only purpose is this post to tell you my biggest nightmare. If you are interested please keep reading.

There are times in our life we wish something in order to be able to do other things. Sounds complicated? Let me simplify that for you. Let’s say you wish to have a job, so you can earn money which will be your money. You have all the rights to spend that precious money in any way you like. You can pay your own bills, you can go for grocery shopping, you can go out drink with your friends and even get wasted, you can go on for a holiday(alone or with some one, does not matter. What only matters is that it is your money and you have freedom to spend it), you can buy a new car, stereo system or pink cushions for your lovely bed. When you do not have the money, the possibilities with what you can do if you have it is limitless. 

If you want to hear a secret about me keep reading please. Yes, last year, there was a time I was unemployed and looking for a job desperately. It was such a dark time for me because, I did not have that much money to spent, so I locked myself into the house. I can even say, literally I was doing nothing that will cause me spend extra penny(or yen).

Unfortunately when you have a social circle, there are times you cannot resist going out or decide where to go. These occasions which people decide to go somewhere behalf of me and it was way too expensive for my budget, I remember once, I walked back home from the restaurant door. The situation what I was in was really embarrassing but by that time, I felt like, I did not have any other choice. Other times I was pretty good at making lies to disappeare from the scene. Like, “Oh I am sorry, I have to go home and finish my freelance project” or “I feel really sick. Must have been the food I ate this afternoon. Should better go home. So so so Sorry”..etc.

The good news is, now I have a decent job which gives me enough money to buy whatever I want. I mean, I cannot go to Moon with that money but at least I can effort expensive restaurants here and there, holidays, bills, shopping, hanging out with the friends and I can even save up some.

Lovely.. lovely. so happy for myself… Or am I? Now I have the money, I do not have time to go holiday, go shopping or hanging out with the friends. Because I am working like a mad-frigging-robot who sits on her butts whole day, my skin layer a little bit extended itself, decided to explore further points from the usual. Sooooo, you can scratch the option,being able to effort to buy good clothes and wear them with pride ruined with “I do not have time or place” and “I do not have body” obstacles.

This is how I really look like


This morning I was trying to get into my best jeans in entire world. I noticed that I was not able to pull the jeans above my hip. Pulling it out from the ankle and knee level, stretching, my legs and giving 10 points worth olympics moves, rolling in the bed while I was holding my breath in order to button the pant. I am sure you can imagine me with purplish and reddish face, trying to squeeze myself into my jeans. It was very very very very painful. That was the closest time in my life, I felt like I was trying to commit suicide.

And Yes, My biggest nightmare after this point is deadly-tight-but-it-is-my-favorite-jeans dilemma. Please share with me what is your biggest nightmare, because I cannot image worst then this right now.

Stay safe, sound and skinny

1 Comment

  1. Hmm…perhaps, worse than JUST trying to liquify yourself into your favorite jeans, was the moment when my FAT jeans were not only SNUG, but they became the item of clothing that I almost asphyxiated myself while trying to button them. Yes, I had gained back 20 of the 60 pounds I lost, and the dreaded fat jeans, the ones previously reserved for “bloated” days during PMS or times when I had the stomach flu…now were actually too small. Can you say give me anorexia for Xmas??🙂 OTHER THAN THAT, let’s see the day my son asked me WHERE a tampon was supposed to go…he was six at the time… :)…and THANKS for reading my blog!

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