Most people has a usual life routine and once you are locked on this routine, it is really hard to get free yourself and change it upside down. Either a really dramatic events supposed to interfere our life or we might bump into Buddha and spill coffee all over him, the turn around and ask ‘what is my life’s purpose?’.
I have watched the fight club over again last night. Regardless of the pleasure of Brad Pitt’s killer body and six packs, it is one of my favorite movies of all time. I remember when I watched that movie five and half years ago, a sentence struck and shook me hard.
“You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you’re satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you’ve got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you’re trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.”
I know, by that time I was not in a stage that my furniture had a right over me entirely…YET. However there were still things in my life, that was bounding me to my routine, dear to me so much that I cannot imagine life without them. And you know what, until that point I was actually quite happy to be like that. I was happy with my small library which I have created last 4 years with the limited capacity of an student allowance. I was happy with my IKEA wall shelves(again I had to save my money for 4 months to be able to purchase them), my narrow mirror hanging on a wall that shows you as like the fattest person on the entire world.
Then the quote I heard on the movie stuck in my head for days. I had these endless, sleepless nights, making me think how my perfect well- previously written future was going to be. I was going to 3rd year of my Uni by then and my protected life was going to be shattered in a year. I was going to be on the stage, acting to the real people with a fake voice and smile.
I was probably going to graduate and find a job somehow. If I was luck maybe immediately. I was gunna work for a few years and maybe have a relationship with this guy that I was not even sure to be with. Then my parents was going to learn about him and start giving me hints about marriage. Because my dumb bf was going to be so lazy, he wanted to get an official slave to wash his clothes, cook his meals, pick up his dirty socks all around the house and make himself come once in awhile. Because our relationship somehow exposed, all my friends were getting married one by one and everyone is banging on about how great is the feeling of having a child beside the public pressure of tying the node I was going to marry with this guy. Then another circle of pressure, having a kid, buying a house, buying a car, having another kid…etc
Thus my life was going to be a result of impact of other people’s perfectionism. I was so, so so so scared. I did not want that.
This was freedom. Losing all hope was freedom.
I have lost my hope, all I wanted was to set myself free and had a future that has script written by me but nor someone else.
I can hear you asking….. “SOOOOOO WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO CHANGE IT?”
I sold every furniture that dear to me, even my books and mirror. Gave my teddy bears to my friend, stopped the 4th year of Uni, bought my plane ticket from the most crappiest airline and went to Sri Lanka in 3 months.
Life is great…and I am free. Well at least thats how I feel, unless this life is not another illusion too.
Stay free, confident and happy