I am at work on Friday. It is just after lunch time. Every possible condition that I am in is screaming at me right now to sweep everything on the table with the back of my hand, crawl on the table and go to sleep in a fetus position. Let me think again… Yes yes the idea is becoming more and more charming in every second.
unusually it is a quite Friday, not the ones that I have to hit my head on my computer ‘s screen and worry about, how will I finish all these work by the end of that day.
Let me tell you something. One of the most dangerous moment in a woman’s life is being drunk in the miserable times of our lives and the second most dangerous is being bored and tired and don’t have anything better to do.
So my current situation is matching with “Dangerous Alarm Number 2″. Thanks GOD!!
With the appeal and attraction of boredom I went to my Hotmail account and start cleaning my box. I don’t know whether you would agree with me but I am sick of receiving junk emails about SMALL BOOBS ARE NOT YOUR FATE, NOW I LOOK 10 YEARS YOUNGER, YOU CAN BE AS GOOD LOOKING AS ME, AREN’T YOU PROUD WITH YOUR SECRET WEAPON?, GET BIGGER PENIS NOW messages. Cleaning all these junks is really annoying and time-consuming. Anyway after deleting 10 of them, I had already enough with the effort that I put in. But my determination to get over my boredom kept me going.
This time I started looking at my old emails. That was my mistake…. I was already in the danger zone and could not help anything but keep going.
I saw an email from one of my ‘X’. Read it, than open another one, read that one too. Man… Look I am normally not emotional person unless it is my period. Those times I cannot even recognize myself. Cannot control my emotions or my physical actions. I suddenly may start having feelings for an onion that I am chopping of or start kicking the seat on the plane because the dick-head front of me pushed the seat all its way through.. But this time no period involved, I just got emotional from the emails that I was reading.Only..
I am not a stalker or someone who lives in the past however I am human. Who can say that they never, ever remember their x here and there, they never have a sneaky look at their profiles(thanks to social media. makes the stalking more legal and possible.)
Actually the main reason, it touched me that much was remembering the nice times we had together. I really liked being with him and it was a relationship that he loved me more than I loved(?) him. And at the end I was the one who broke up with him. He was a brilliant poet and there was poems attach on his emails. They were beautiful, they were about me and screaming from the screen that how much he loved me. It is really weird to read yourself in someone’s words. He described my hands, my smell, how I look when I was sleeping, how I stand on the street when I was waiting a bus.
Suddenly I feel so appreciated. I feel that someone really loved me in the past and was not scared to pour his love onto the papers. I know, it is ridiculous to look back at the things and people but I also believe that they are something we can never leave behind. They are the things made us who we are now.
It is nice to look back sometimes and to be able to see the beautiful things. Maybe things that we have not realized how beautiful they were by that time.
This is one of his poems that I have found.
STAND UP APRIL 2006 -1- my lover, my lover I don't know why this life can go as fast as a river and if this struggle has failed before does it mean again failing is in the future -2- you those who produce us in a mechanic glass should take the future into your hands. -3- Is life enough for us to see this world with a piece of sun in the children's eyes in Somali in Iraq or somewhere else -4- yes, my lover withouth some beliver or a simple queen this world can go in it's simple ruin not again a rush but a new trend equivalent in friend -5- so then how you will come with me to the forest to watch the rabbits getting out from trees as nature increases it's hope to a level of sun's pretty smile but when the queens die -6- you those who produce us if you break your glass on a May morning on a spring day like the children's eyes like a shining star as walls can fall down at a time in space -7- my lover, my lover I know now how this life can go faster than a river without some believer if you take my hand, then I will take you where Somalian children smile with a beautifull smile not far as future Stand up!
I was in a danger zone but somehow got out of there without too much damage except few tears in my eyes and the moment that I have to explain(not the truth) to my boss what happened to me.
- I don’t do boredom. (rmbenson.wordpress.com)
- Boredom (scotterb.wordpress.com)
- Thankful Thursday #12 (swissfitchick.wordpress.com)
- “Is This What It Feels Like To Really Cry?” (lucyburnett.wordpress.com)
- Time To Get Rid Of The Junk (gibsongirl247.wordpress.com)
- My First Psychotic Episode (violalilacindue.wordpress.com)